i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
