i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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