Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
