pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
