Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
