Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize