What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
