I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was like eating out sand paper
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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