i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
