Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
