life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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