No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
