I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
