dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
