i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
