i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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