Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
