what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
