you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
