apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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