Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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