Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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