So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
