i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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