he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
