I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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