I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
