Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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