Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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