i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
