I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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