I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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