I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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