I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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