She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
