There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Brb crying the tears of my youth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
