ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
