He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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