so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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