i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
