I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
