The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
