You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize