Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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