3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
