How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
