New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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