After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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