I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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