dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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