please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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