My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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