Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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