I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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