Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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