God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize