Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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