Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
