Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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