i just google imaged poop.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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