gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
