I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
